Wait for the second thought

Have you ever been in a situation in which a friend, spouse, or co-worker comes to you when you least expect it and immediately start with a conversation where they are expressing anger or frustration with something you’ve done or haven’t done or they wish you had done?

The first step is recognizing that you are starting to get angry or frustrated with what you’re hearing before you respond. Take a few deep breaths to assess how you’re feeling so that you don’t respond in a way that you will regret later. Tell the person that you’d love to discuss the issue but would like time to collect your thoughts — and agree on a time in which you will discuss. Often, a person continues to argue or they start to escalate because they don’t feel heard or they fear that the subject will get dropped and not resolved. Sometimes agreeing on a time to discuss can help diffuse the situation in the moment.

This allows you to re-focus in a way that is positive, know that you haven’t reacted in a way that you regret, and maintain a relationship in a way that allows for more meaningful interactions and more productive problem-solving.