The Sex "Reset" Button

I attended a conference this past week that suggested couples can “reset” their sex lives. This struck me as an interesting idea because I had not heard of it before. The speaker suggested that some couples may need to “start over.” This does not mean that therapy might not be needed or helpful, but that sometimes couples get in a rut. Or there are life transitions that occur and the relationship changes. What might be helpful is starting over with sex. This can include a variety of techniques such as learning how your partner likes to be touched in a non-sexual and sexual way. And vice versa. Another way to start over is to add something new to the relationship. The brain creates strong pathways when we behave in a certain way over time. By doing something new or novel, this forces the brain to create a new pathway, and the result is the brain “awakens” to the newness. Adding something new could be feeding each other your favorite foods or turning up the music and dancing together in the living room.

The key to the “reset” button is taking some of the pressure off of sex. Often when sexual problems occur, both individuals are feeling distress and anxiety. It can create a sense of heaviness in the relationship. Maybe things have become stale in the sexual relationship. Maybe sex has even ceased to exist in the relationship. It’s an excellent time to start over and start anew.